Narcissists will withhold affection and attention, unlike normal healthy partners who may occasionally need space or not want affection during times of conflict or distress. Narcissists withhold affection randomly and deliberately without reason, cause, or provocation. In fact, you may have encountered a narcissist who began withholding affection right after being excessively attentive and warm. These hot and cold behaviors, also known as intermittent reinforcement, are used deliberately to train you into gradually accepting the unacceptable cruelty they inevitably dish out during the devaluation periods.
Encouragement and Support
Narcissists will deliberately and with malevolent intent withhold encouragement and emotional support. Again, not only to torment you but to position themselves as superior and you as inferior, and keep you there. What tends to go along with all of this withholding behavior is gaslighting, especially if you dare call them out. Be prepared to hear things like, “It’s not all about you, you know,” or “You’re so needy and demanding.” I once called out someone who claimed to love me (and maybe she did in her own way) for a glaringly deliberate withholding of a simple acknowledgment of a major milestone in my life, and what I got back was, “Obviously, I can’t give you what you need.” By someone who claimed to love me, no less. Again, nice people, you know what, boo? You’re absolutely right. Truer words were never spoken. Because what I need in my friendships, and any relationship for that matter, is healthy, sane, genuine, kind, decent, loving, and consistent—not deliberately withholding, not incredibly judgmental and critical, obviously highly triggered, jealous, and envious. Threatened, to say the least. Rigid, controlling, and uber-defensive. And I can certainly live without the gaslighting, thank you very much.
Communication
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