Why does every conversation feel like a test you have to grade afterward? If you constantly replay conversations in your head, analyzing every word, every pause, and every possible hidden meaning, that’s not just overthinking; it’s a survival tactic you picked up from dealing with narcissistic abuse.
When you’ve been criticized, gaslighted, or made to feel like your words were never quite right, your brain learns to self-monitor on overdrive. Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, explains that children and partners of narcissists often develop an excessive need to seek approval, fearing that anything they say or do could lead to rejection or punishment. Even when the narcissist is gone, that habit lingers, making you second-guess whether you were too blunt, too passive, or if someone secretly took offense to something harmless you said.
But here’s the thing: healthy conversations don’t need postgame analysis. The constant replays aren’t helping you improve; they’re just keeping you trapped in self-doubt. Dr. Ethan Cross, author of Chatter, describes this as negative mental chatter that masquerades as problem-solving but actually drains your confidence. The more you analyze, the less you trust yourself. The next time your mind starts rewinding a conversation, ask yourself: Would I be picking this apart if I truly believed in my worth? If the answer is no, then let it go. Your words don’t need to be perfect; they only need to be honest.
5. You constantly check the fridge to ensure you won’t run out of supplies.
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