Have you ever left a conversation feeling smaller than when you entered it, confused by how your self-esteem just took a hit after a few minutes of talking? This brings us to the second thing you’ll hear in a conversation with a narcissist: a quickness to criticize or pass judgment, often right from the get-go. It’s a subtle yet powerful way that they assert their dominance in conversation. You’re going to hear them make dismissive comments or outright judgments about people they know—places they work, family members, neighbors, bosses, or co-workers. You’ll notice how quick they are to comment on other people’s choices or behaviors, or they might even criticize yours under the guise of being blunt or honest. This isn’t just about having an opinion; it’s about making others feel less than and boosting their own sense of superiority. Now, when you’re an empathetic person, this is easy to miss because you’re prone to want to connect with others rather than to look out for red flags. You might internally make excuses for them or minimize their remarks rather than calling them on their rudeness or callousness in the moment. But other times, it’s glaringly obvious. I remember being on a first date with this guy who, within the first 15 minutes, started talking about how his 10-year-old daughter had gained weight since his divorce. There was no hint of concern or worry or empathy. He was blatantly willing to throw his daughter under the bus and was using it to try to look as if he was morally superior to her. And that’s when you don’t even pretend to be polite; you just stand up and walk out. If you’re facing a barrage of criticism and judgment, use the acknowledge and test method. It empowers you to neutralize negative impacts without direct confrontation. You first acknowledge the comment without agreeing to it and then test with an empathetic question. You’re not only protecting your self-worth but also subtly challenging the narcissist’s tendency to belittle. This provides you with valuable insights into their behavior. First, acknowledge that you heard them without agreeing. A simple ‘I see’ or ‘That’s one way to look at it’ keeps you neutral. Then ask a question that tests for empathy and self-awareness, like ‘How do you think that made them feel?’ or ‘Have you ever done something like that?’ These questions will give you feedback about their capacity for empathy. A narcissist will deflect, ignore, or escalate criticism without showing any genuine empathy or interest in your perspective. You might also try a gentle redirect toward a different topic, like ‘What’s something good that happened to you recently?’ This not only shifts the focus but also tests their willingness to engage in a balanced conversation. A polite and firm exit strategy might be, ‘Seems we have different views on this. I appreciate the chat, but I need to leave it here for now.’ This step allows you to gracefully exit the conversation while preserving your own well-being.
5 Ways to Make a Narcissist Respect You Forever
Clue #3: Types of Advice
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