Whatever they think to be their best source of supply is; stature, money, sex, prominence, etc. if you cut that off, it will hurt them more than indifference. Starve them from that supply that nourishes them. For instance, maybe they feel like they have prestige whenever they swing by the country club or feel a certain kind of prominence whenever they are at church, take these validations away, and it will hurt them.
Third on this list is: Losing. When I say losing, it is not just about losing a game.
It is about losing something tied to their identity or public persona, like a celebrity, a model, or anyone with their identity hanging on their looks. If they feel young and beautiful, aging will hurt them. As we age, things will show up on our skin. Wrinkles, sunspots, and blemishes will occur. This natural process of aging is going to do a number on narcissists. Another is when they lose their money. I witnessed people pushed to the edge when they lost their money in the stock market and how they became suicidal because their money was their entire identity. Whenever a narcissist loses something that their identity is tied to, it is a source of pain.
Finally, the thing that shakes them to their very core: Exposing them to their best supply.
Let me start by pointing out that there are two types of Narcissistic Supply: Diamond and Coal. Diamond level of supply is their reputation, validation, and how they look or appear to the world around them. Coal is when they manipulate people around them and inflict trauma, drama, and suffering. So, if you want to hurt a narcissist, you need to go for the jugular and hit them at the Diamond level. Exposing them to the people they respect, try to impress, or look good to will hurt more than indifference, no doubt about it.
Remember that there is no better day than today to start negotiating your best life. They only win if you give in.
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