Number two: The narcissist wants you to believe they have not changed even a tiny bit. In every narcissistic relationship, the mask slips and the narcissist reveals their true self. They can’t help but be a narcissist; devaluation happens. But they want you to believe you are imagining things, creating things on purpose to hurt them, to villainize them. They have been nothing but nice to you, the same person from the beginning. That is an extreme form of gaslighting. There’s no lack of affection; they have been affectionate. What are you talking about? You don’t call me as much as you used to, you don’t want us to get physically intimate. Oh, it’s because of you – you smell, you’re clingy, you’re too sensitive. It comes back to you being faulty, and that’s why I’m creating distance. I’m running away because you changed. They twist the situation, saying you changed. In the beginning, I thought you were amazing, but now I don’t like this version of you. Had I known, I would have never accepted you as my partner. You changed, and that’s why you see that change in me. That’s why I am disgusted with you. I haven’t changed; you have. This is projection, and it will shock you. What will you do? You will start changing yourself. That’s the depersonalization, how your personality breaks down. People-pleasing shows up, you start self-sacrificing, giving them more, and they keep taking, asking for more, until you die bit by bit, piece by piece, losing yourself, and still it’s not enough. They will say it’s because of you, this and that. They want you to ignore the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phenomenon in every narcissistic relationship. They want you to think your friends are lying to you, trying to disintegrate your relationship. They tell you things that never happened. I’m the same person all the time; I become angry only when you trigger me. If you talk to me this way, and they give you a script of subservience, swallowing your tongue, then I’ll be okay. Problem solved. You do all of that, but still, nothing changes. In the end, they remain the same. It’s true, the only person that changes in a narcissistic relationship is you. You were happy, bubbly, everything you loved about yourself before meeting the narcissist, but after meeting them, getting married or entering into a relationship, you changed into a shell, someone unrecognizable, losing interests, hobbies, spark, friends, wanting to be alone. Who changed you? This piece of he or she was the same from the beginning, concealed, hidden, revealed only after full control was established. They didn’t change; only you did, in a bad way. They were the same, as bad as they are now. When they tell you they haven’t changed, it’s true; they were always as bad. They want you to believe all the relationship problems are your imagination, that everything’s okay, small things to forgive and forget, act like nothing’s happening. Smile, even if I walk all over you, treat you like furniture, toss you around, play with you like a toy – that’s not a problem. The problem is you’re not okay with that behavior. I expect you to be okay; I am entitled to using you. What’s the problem? You don’t have enough tolerance, so work on yourself. That’s the delusional thinking.
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