One strange behavior you might pick up after dealing with narcissistic abuse is changing who you are to fit in with different groups. It happens because, during the abuse, you were probably always adjusting yourself to please the narcissist, losing a sense of your own identity in the process. As Dr. Gabor Maté, a trauma expert, says, “When you live in a state of constant emotional survival, you forget who you really are.” So, after the abuse, you might find yourself shifting your personality to match whoever you’re around, still trying to gain approval and avoid conflict. Take note of this. Focus on discovering your true interests and values while surrounding yourself with supportive people who encourage you to be authentic.
7 Compulsive Self-Monitoring
After narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself acting like your own personal security camera, constantly monitoring every word, action, and even facial expression, like you’re afraid someone’s going to catch you slipping up. Psychologist Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that narcissistic abuse makes you doubt yourself and second-guess everything you do. So even after the abuse, you might still be overly cautious, always checking how you act or react, worried you’ll say or do something wrong. Keep this in mind: practice self-acceptance and mindfulness by focusing on the present moment and gradually allowing yourself to express your true self without fear of judgment.
6 Over-explanation
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself over-explaining your actions and feelings, as if trying to convince others—and maybe even yourself—of their validity. This behavior often stems from constantly needing to justify yourself to avoid conflict with the narcissist. As therapist Dr. Jennifer Freed notes, “When you’ve been invalidated, your voice can feel small.” So, you overcompensate by providing too much information in normal conversations. This can manifest as excessive detail, leaving you feeling exhausted and frustrated. To cope, set small goals to express your thoughts more concisely, and remind yourself that you don’t need to justify your feelings or actions to anyone. Your voice is already valid.
5 Compulsive Googling
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